On September 14, 2005, I arrived home from an evening out with my sister, to my husband saying that we needed to talk. Instantly I thought, "What had I done wrong?" Knowing that I hadn't done anything, I let Jim proceed to tell me what was on his mind.
He told me that his mom (Patty) had called. There was a fight between Suzannah (Jim's youngest sister) and Tony (Patty's husband). Needless to say, Suzannah was kicked out of the house and needed a place to go. Patty thought Jim and I were the best option for Suzannah, if we were willing to take her.
My instant reaction to the news was that she is family, and she can live with us if that is what is needed. Over the next few days, I prepared for Suzannah's arrival. I went to the high school and picked up all the paperwork I needed to enroll her in school (she was only a junior). I also made plans with my mother to take a daybed off her hands so Suzannah would have a place to sleep besides the couch.
I picked Suzannah up at the airport on September 17, around 7pm. I was excited to have her staying with us. I thought it would be a good chance for us to really get to know each other, and (being 5 months pregnant with my son at the time) for me to get some much needed rest and help with my daughter. Unfortunately, that is not how it has turned out.
Suzannah has been with us for a little over a year, and I realize it has been the most frustrating, stressful year I have ever had. When she got here, she had the social attitude of a 12 year old. She threw fits (one of these over a bowl of mashed potatoes is the reason she is with us), and cried if she didn't like what she was doing. She was irresponsible (nothing was ever her fault), complained constantly about everything, and treated everyone she met like she was better that them. To top it off, she also had poor hygiene habits, such as not brushing her teeth or hair, not taking showers on a regular basis (we practically had to force her to take one), and she was a plain slob (she left candy wrappers and garbage in her bed, her dresser drawers, in the closet, etc..).
I would like to say that in the past year, things have gotten a lot better, but I would be lying. She is still a slob. Her room is always messy and has an odor to it that no amount of Oust has been able to tame. It is silly for me to be finding garbage in and under her bed when she has a trash can at the end of it. She has a few basic chores that she agreed to do everyday and when need, such as take out the trash, sweep down cob webs, help Izabel (my daughter) pick up her toys at the end of the night, and keep the bathroom and her room clean and organized. For the past few months, I have been doing all the above, with the exception of her room and the trash most of the time.
She is also responsible for doing her own laundry. I have the same amount of clothes that she does and I do laundry at least once a week (if not more). I have to remind her every two weeks that she might want to do her laundry (mostly because her clothes smell). The shower problem is still just that. I shouldn't have to tell her to shower after she has been working at Burger King all day. Today is Wednesday, and the last day she showered was on friday after she got home from work, and I had to suggest it.
I can say that she has made progress on the hygiene thing, but that is mostly because she has a boyfriend. Her attitude still stinks, even thought it is a little more mature than when she first arrived (more like 15 years old now). However, it has regressed a bit because of the boyfriend (Fernando). Since she started dating him, she has been more defiant and thinks she is all that. She has been more disrespectful toward me and Jim (mostly because we are constantly checking that she is still living up to the moral standards she claims to have). I also think a lot of her recent attitude stems from the fact that she is turning 18 on the 10th of October.
Anyways, Jim and I are besides ourselves as far as Suzannah is concerned. We can't trust her because we have caught her "red handed" in too many of her lies. She gets more and more disrespectful everyday and doesn't thinks it is unfair when we ground her for breaking the rules. She thinks everything revolves around her and that she is untouchable and can do no wrong. If we call her on something, she throws a fit and starts saying things like, "you don't listen to me, you don't care about me," and my new personal favorite, "you guys are smothering me, your not allowing me to grow," (all that over a conversation about her new relationship).
In fact we do care, that is why we tried to talk to her about it. But it was her who wouldn't listen to us. Her and Fernando had been dating for less than a week when they started saying they love each other and are going to get married and making out and groping each other in public (I am serious, at the local park in front of me and my kids).
I just don't know what to do anymore. I don't even know why I care so much anymore. She doesn't care that much about my feelings. I am just tired of trying to do the best thing for her, only to be slapped in the face by her actions. Jim says I am to easy on her and I feel that he is right. But where do I draw the line between friend and guardian? And thus, my ultimate dilemma.